April 25, 2011

• I really should have just stayed offline tonight... But yet... Hindsight is always 20/20 for such things... And I often ignore what my conscience tells me to do... Especially when it comes to being online... There's some void that always feels like it needs to be filled... It just never does...

  It's a rather deja vu moment for me... I embark on my trip tomorrow... A part of me questions whether I will really return... I intend to... But I can't help but make comparisons to what happened to the best person I have never known... It's much like the parallelness to what happened before Zachary left.. He pissed off all those people who meant something to him before he left... Logged off with unresolved issues... Went on his trip and died... Never to have those issues worked out... And always leaving those last words spoken forever engrained in people's memories...

  It's just a deja vu moment... because I won't be coming back online... After this post... cell phone will be at home... With the rest of me.. It's just me and my car (Fiona), ipod and a few change of clothes.

  I am truly sorry for upsetting you... And not being there... When you needed it... I really wish you would just have said you were upset... Or acknowledged that I said I was the wrong person to talk to on such a topic... Or that I just stopped talking... Set aside my thoughts... I am not making excuses... I should have stayed offline... I was upset and irritated before I even came on... Always dealing with my own issues it seems... I should make more time for others... When they need me...

  I am sorry... Truly.

  If I come back... Perhaps we can work it out then... Assuming you even want to...

  Chicago today (4/25) perhaps I'll be there for a few days...

  Some place in Utah (5/3)

  Some place in California 8 hours later... (5/3)

  ... And then I don't know....

  We'll see... I have 6 days before I need to be home...

  *****

  Don't worry about me... truly... I need this...

  Likely too much to ask for...

  • 3:28 am
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