May 8, 2012
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Sienna hates the dogs that bark in the apartment. I think I have seen her a total of 3 hours since I have moved in nearly 5 days ago.
Clinical is uneventful... I am supposed to spend close to 180 hours on CT sim... If I tell R., to show me the buttons, and how to move the table, I can have my comps done next week.... It's that simple.
Why 9mo of this hell?... Honestly?
I hate it here...
There's only so many vegetables and fruits I can chop up and shove in the freezer before my mind runs wild and free..
I can't work... the hours of going to clinical and to a job is nearly impossible... That's okay though...
Because..
I love my bath tub.
We shall be best friends by the time I get out of here.... That I promise.
... I haven't hung up any of my artwork on my walls... The whole huge portfolio sits in a closet... I haven't even turned the doorknob to go in there... It can stay there for all I care.
I am afraid to walk around the corner to throw my garbage down the trash chute... I don't know who... I will encounter... No, it's not the social anxiety... It's much deeper than that.
I am pretty sure I hate this...
I say... Let's end it all... And be done with all of this nonsense.
This thing you call life.
Comments (3)
I'm glad you move in all safe and sound; I hope that you come to enjoy it eventually! Give it a chance; new beginnings are always difficult!
The Scribe is wise, indeed!
"Why 9 months of this hell?" Exactly what I was fucking wondering. What could possibly justify making someone do this.
If you do kill yourself there, make sure to leave an eloquent fucking note about how impossible that program is and how much it shouldn't make people fucking do this. No job, but you need to fucking house yourself but you don't get paid and you have to fucking pay tuition? It's fucking insane.
I still hope you don't off yourself.
Honest to fuck, life sucks but it's normally somewhat survivable.
Sienna should hopefully warm up to the fucking noises. At least Aingeal's clinginess should be making up for her absence. It should be hard to miss one cat while you're tripping over the other one.
She has to warm up to it.
Good luck. Honest to fuck. I hope you're okay, tonight. Your AIM status is more than a bit fucking "worrisome."
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