August 24, 2012
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DID/MPD
I am reminded... Why I don't log into xanga any longer... I see topics such as "rape joke." As if... That is something in which you joke about.
I have felt a particular itch to start writing... On here... I have a lot on my mind... And I feel like I have been... locked in a cage.
Of course... I have been... In a very conscious... Mental one. This is a topic for another posting altogether.
A pattern has begun to unfold in front of my eyes... Yet... I can't seem to grasp the totality in which it means... I find myself lacking the means to do so...
I noticed... People whom I am closest to lately... Have been overprotective... Of me.... I have no idea what it means... Why they care enough... Why they waste their time... Yes, I am special.
Something... Like that... Yet it all seems very redundant... Very... Pointless and mostly unwarranted.
I have trouble focusing....
My life... Seems like a movie... I wish I were capable of lying... And I wish I could say that all my experiences which I have been through are some make believe imagination of an attention deprived... Young adult... But it's not... I feel like most of you would like to believe... I am that capable...
I am not...
I witnessed.. Dissociative Personality Disorder (Multiple Personalities) in action... Multiple times [no pun intended]...
I lived with it.
He was my father.
Recently... I have been blessed with knowing someone else with it...
... And finally... I have come to grips with accepting it... Within myself.
It still doesn't change.. How absolutely alone I feel.
Comments (2)
Ah, yes, the classic "Xangan-posting-something-ignorant." Whether its a rape "joke" or anything else, I agree; sometimes you sign onto Xanga and just wonder what kind of people are out there. Oy!
I do hope you are able to write more and I hope also that it helps. I know I likely won't be able to post very much these days now that I am teaching full-time, but I do check my subs.
Still praying for you out here.
Be happy yours don't get you bedazzled.
DID support groups can be fun places to find interesting people. Just fucking saying.
You're never alone. I don't understand how that doesn't change your feeling of being alone.
WTFever. I think I'm somewhat slow on that front.
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