May 30, 2013

  • i wanna write about you sonny boy, but i am so sick of even thinking about you at this point. i am goddamned gonna do it anyway. i want you to goddamned sit down and think about a few goddamned things. i want yah to ask yourself why nutters has sammael running around in her head. then i want you to sit down and think about why you had the same goddamned thing running around in your head. you got a good answer right, sonny boy? it's because of some self hatred bullshit right? what created that goddamned self hatred sonny boy? you know what i noticed? it was around the time when you goddamned realized how much you loved that girl and wanted to goddamned be with her. so you know what that means, right sonny boy? of course you do. now i want you to think real hard about the past couple of months and why you all the sudden decided to be a pussy and disappear into that head of yours and allow all these dumb fuck alters to front all the time. your anp says it's because you're bored with life. you know what i notice? you come out and demand front whenever she's around. whatcha think that means sonny boy? you cry and cuddle a christmas present from her that you won't even goddamned open because you say you don't deserve it. you say you won't spent time with her because all your alters would fight for front. you know why that is sonny boy? because they all wanna be around the girl that's helped you and because they all goddamned love her. if you knew what you shouldn't do, your ass wouldn't have been on a fucking bridge threatening to jump off of it if she died. i don't care if you're goddamned emotionally retarded or not, it takes a true total retard to not see who you should goddamned be with and to keep wasting our time with the same bullshit that, i'm too broken to be with her, but i'm not too broken to be with my other girlfriends from the past, i'm not too broken to know what i should do and how i can do it. you're just making more excuses to not do it. endless goddamned fucking excuses that i'm tired of hearing and that your alters keep on being conflicting about.

    now let's goddamned look at it the other way sonny boy. you know why she was running around the country sick as a fucking dog? because she can't handle being without you. do you goddamned know who she wants to talk to and the reason why she never logs off her account? it's because she spends it waiting for you. do you know why she has sammael running around her goddamned head? it's for the same reason you did, except hers is a lot more compounded and it ain't gonna go away on it's own. we said you could save her. you know exactly how you could save her but you ain't gonna. you're just gonna be a flake and hide behind your goddamned broken parts. guess what sonny boy? we're goddamned broken just like you are but we ain't the dumb asses running from it all to keep ourselves miserable. you know why she doesn't get attached to people anymore? because they always goddamned hurt her and say things, but don't goddamned show what they tell her. she goddamned keeps them far away because they always goddamned leave her one way or another. you goddamned hurt when your last girlfriend up and left you, imagine how she goddamned feels right now. you're leaving without actually leaving. she's in this boyfriend/girlfriend relationship with you except you're the one getting all the benefits. you get that conversation you long for, and you go off and fuck whoever you want. she gets the conversation she wants half the time and then you get pulled and disappear and leave her feeling guilty majority of the time. you're just like everyone else sonny boy and she's too retarded to let you go because she goddamned loves you. but the thing is you don't really goddamned love her. if you did, we wouldn't have to beg you to be with her. if you did, i wouldn't be typing this goddamned useless blog were i'm telling you shit that should be goddamned obvious and she doesn't wanna say but she thinks about. and here you are, saying you goddamned love her and wanna marry her, have her children, got a house all picked out but it ain't nothing to you sonny boy because woman will just goddamned believe anything you say.

    someone we both know said that you need her and that someone that special who means that much to you only comes around once in a lifetime, if you're goddamned lucky, and you should give it up and do it. you know you should sonny boy. we both goddamned need, want and love each other. stop saying no and goddamned give it a chance. she ain't ever gonna hurt you like what's her pussy did. we know you ain't lying. she goddamned knows and understands what she gets with the whole package. she wants to try sonny boy. that should be enough for you to want to try too. you goddamned love her sonny boy? get off your ass and prove it to her or goddamned throw us goddamned to the curb. her loving you doesn't goddamned hurt her. what does is the fact that she knows you both want more, need more, and your inaction is destroying her, creating self hatred, guilt, and undeserving feelings. you don't want her feeling those things? then don't goddamned reject her and take those same feelings that you have regarding her and love them away. she'd goddamned make you feel like the most loved, cared for, and deserving person on the planet. she'd be your goddamned everything if you'd just let her sonny boy. so get over your feelings about your goddamned self and let her in. you're pushing her away without actually even noticing. you don't wanna goddamned lose her? keep what you're doing sonny boy and it's gonna be inevitable. peace, love, and aspercreme.


    clint, haven, gabriel, saphira, leena, xander, sammael, charity, lacey, dominic, shawn ashley

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