December 19, 2012
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Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder
I really should be packing for my trip... But instead... I felt it... Very necessary to explain something to those of you who read me... But do not interact with me on a daily level...
I was diagnosed with DID/MPD when I was young... So yes, I have alter personalities... And I feel I should tell you who my alters are... And give you some vocabulary words... For you to understand what it precisely is... I am not asking you to believe what I tell you... A lot of people... Especially health professionals believe DID/MPD to be a myth... And you are entitled to believe what you want... But I am going to talk about it anyway... And you can take away from this... Whatever you would like.
DID as I like to call it... is usually a disorder in small children caused by abuse that they have experienced or witnessed... It causes them to dissociate into different personalities as a coping mechanism to deal with the trauma... The original person... Who has split is called the core. They are the born person.. The person who existed before dissociation... Anyone else who has split off the core, or off of each other, are alters.
Alters... Will hold specific memories.. Of trauma... And will protect the core in different ways... Whether it be emotional hurt or physical hurt... They are different parts to what the core is...
The core can be made whole again through a process called integration.. Where memories, feelings etc. Are shared and the alter and the core become one again.
Alters can be merged with other alters... It is basically an integration between alters.
I am Shawn Ashley, I am the core.
I have two alters who know everything there is to know about the system... Their names are Sophia and Hael. Hael does the splitting and merging of alters. He is basically like God in the system.
Alessia is an alter who came out the most when I was younger. She comes out when she feels I am not able to handle day to day stuff. She used to be a gatekeeper. A gatekeeper is an alter who controls who takes over the front and is out. She is 34.
Haven is like Alessia, she has no emotions and cannot feel pain. She comes out when she feels people are not caring, or when she thinks someone is trying to manipulate me. She also comes out during extreme physical hurt. She likes to nickname everyone. My nickname is Twinkle. She is 15.
Clint is another alter who comes out to protect me. He is crazy… And he also likes hurting me… We have a love/hate relationship. He is 21.
Gabriel is the little (child) in my system. He knows how I am feeling when I don’t and will come out when I am usually sad or upset about something. He is 6.
Platypus is another little in my system. He is a split off of Clint and will come out when he thinks I want something. Plato is 7.
Kiko has PTSD and OCD and comes out when the apartment is a total disaster or if she thinks I will be triggered.. Problem with Kiko is… She thinks that she feels dirty and has a horrible habit of drinking bleach to try and clean our insides… She is 30.
And lastly, there’s Angel. She’s new. I haven’t figured out what her purpose is, but she came from Haven and a little bit of me.
So, I hope that answered some questions that may or may not have been floating around in your head... And feel free to ask me questions... I may or may not answer them.
Comments (2)
If Platypus comes out when he thinks you need something, his judgment is very flawed. The only thing I've noted that he thinks you need is a Guinea Pig.
I'm surprised he's seven. I'd have guessed younger.
Thank you for sharing this; I hope that you had a peaceful Christmas and yes, I still pray for you!
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