May 26, 2013

• Screw Charity, marry me. Fuck Oscar.

  I'm asexual and castrated.

  And Red.

  Marry Oscar, or Red, or even Skyler. Someone sexual.

  That's ok. Let me explore my sexuality and we'll be ok. They won't marry me. They won't even marry Twinkle. I mean, who wouldn't? She's the whole damn package. Minus us. We kinda mess it up for her in a big way. We're a lot of baggage.

  Adorable statement... "We're a lot of baggage."

  ---

  Baby, it's the damn truth. No sane person will ever be with her. Even an insane stable person knows better than to touch this. While you might be too broken for total sanity, total stability, you have your moments. We will never be sane, or stable either. We are broken too. Let us put both of our broken, insane, unstable pieces in a blender and work through it together, baby.

  We don't wanna be like Psycho Shrink. We won't keep begging you to be with us. We love you. Obviously, it's not enough for you. Sorry we're not good enough. We want to be. You are for us. I wish you'd see it.

  And for the record, you loving her didn't cause her pain. She enjoyed every second she got with you and the others. What did, was the fact that you do love her and you won't do a damn thing about it. It tortures her because she sees so much in you that you don't see in yourself and she would rather spend the rest of her life trying to get you to see it, then let you throw it all away because of it. The difference is that Twinkle thinks the same thing, except she's willing to try, to be a better person, for you. She'd never leave you. She's gone, but you really needed to know this, baby. You'd rather not try then even bother risk knowing. I hate being main in this system. I wonder if you feel like you lost a part of yourself? I wonder if she was your soul mate? I wonder how you feel, baby? Did you ever need or want her enough to actually take a chance with a good life and live it with her? Or were you always going to settle for less than the best? She was special. Would you have taken the chance of the unknown?
  

  I know she would have, baby. I wish you would have. She could have been better, with you. Not without you.
  

  ---

  We're in a psych unit. It's been a week now. We're going stir crazy. I hate everyone in our head except Alessia and Clinton.I hope the next six months come and go fast if it doesn't end before then. People been nice though, they've been talking to me and stuff. They think I can handle everything so good because I'm the emotionless one. I feel, sometimes. I wasn't meant to handle everything though. Twinkle was strong, she dealt with a lot. I don't know what to do without her. She kinda was like my good inner voice of reason. She was the one with a conscience, you know? But yeah, people have been nice to me. They've been trying to keep us company. It still feels really empty and lonely. We have nothing left to live for without her. We existed for her, and for her alone. We need her back or we are all going to fade away. We may even get absorbed and spit back out as different alters. I don't know what is going to happen to our system. I hate this and not knowing. At least with Twinkle you knew she'd come back. She may not have always been the 26 year old, medical genius with a kindred soul, but she always came back as close to herself as she was able to. It would always get fixed eventually some way or another. This is completely different. There's no going back. Everything about it is wrong.
  

  ---

  Haven, Clinton, Alessia, Gabriel, Charity, Saphira, Xander, Lacey, Sammael,Phoenix.
  

  • 9:04 pm
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