A casual position has finally opened up at my current work place in the lab so I decided to take it. I would only be scheduled to work 2 days every 3 weeks. I am not sure if this is going to be overnights or evening on the weekends yet. I will have to talk to my lead. I am hoping to God it will be the evening dispatch shift because if I have to work overnights with Tina, I may just die yet.

I wish I didn't have to do this, but every single pay period Tina refuses to help me out with my school schedule. I cannot miss classes because I have been up for over 24 hours and need to sleep.. It's just not plausible. As a few selected people know, she is the most selfish person I know. She is the QUEEN of DRAMA. I won't miss her if I don't have to work with her but I will become quite despicable if I have to work with her.... 

The plus to all of this is I can pick up hours when and if I feel like it. If I have a midterm, I don't have to work at all that week. If I need hours, I can work every single day. The only draw back is that I lose my tuition reimbursement and don't get the extra $2,000 this year. The positive however is that my grades are good enough where I could possibly get a $5,000 scholarship.. So I think I am going to suck it up and apply for it.

The other nice thing is that I can focus on my grades more. Vi is going to be moving in with me at the end of September and her and I are in the radiation therapy program together so it will give me a study partner... Or possibly huge distraction.. Not sure which.... 

Vi said she would also give me a puppy when I finish clinical for free. Thought I'd throw that in for shits and giggles. I think I will name the puppy... Tina. [insert sarcam] How thrilling... She has two miniature Pomeranians which apparently can be sold for $1,000. Maybe she'll give me the whole litter I know I could use that money when I graduate.

Now to prove to me that you read all this unnecessary blabbing, please insert the name I have chosen for my new future puppy in the comment you are going to likely not post.

I guess that's all for today... Life feels rather chaotic... I am enjoying my time away from everyone but mostly enjoying the time away from myself...

It's peaceful.

*****

Until the inner turmoil decides to roar it's beastly head.

After watching Kill Bill Vol. 2 for the millionth time, I noticed this song... I rather like it.

Untitled

The night falls in a heavy, suffocating cloak, soulless are we.
The emotion for which you sacrifice yourself
flares once, and then dies,
devoured by velvet ebony nothingness.
All hope must surely perish.

Your love is no more.
How could you abandon me?
Demons surround us, crying,
we are fallen.

*****

Truly pointless... Like a constant disappointment.

Depression is when you can no longer convince yourself that it's all going to be okay....

That is all...

People on a commercial were stating why they love America...

They replied, "Freedom."

"The jobs."

"Building a future."

And then the Asian chick said, "9-1-1. They come right away."

And she was dead serious.

Of all the things in the United States, you like 9-1-1 the most?

Fantastic.

I went and saw transfromers 3...

The highlight of the movie was the closing credits when two little boys, ages 3 and 5, were making blasting noises and pretending to be the decepticons versus the autobots as they ran out of the theater behind us with their grandmother...

... I remember what that innocence was like... Once.

It seems like a dream.

I rather envy it.

*****

Cheers for summer...

Untitled

Blood is splattered in the forest

Drag me, push me, and pull me

This is my darkest hour

My silence is not shattered

Crimson is spread on top of the leaves

Hit me, punch me, and abuse me

I don't want your salvation

I judge myself by my own falters

Blood is painted all over me

Lied, Conceited, and betrayed by you

You coward, you did this to me

You killed me and left my heart crying

Wonder

I see myself in a reflection

You often keep me guessing

What could possibly be wrong now?

My life is far from the end of this lesson.

I can see the bruises

And I know you see my broken soul

What could all of this entitle me to?

Has anyone wondered what I'm still doing here?

Flashbacks shatter my mind

I hate what I have to remember

Slicing myself unconsciously, I just want to suffer

And not wake up from my eternal slumber

Trampled on and cast always aside

Memories I can't push aside

I'm not okay, I am sorry all

I'm so fucked up, and I got nowhere to fall

Have you ever wondered where I went to?

Why you can't see my reflection in your eyes

Do you think of all the pain I went through?

And do you understand why I shower you with lies

It's because it's my life

It's because I'm fucked up

I'm so willingly different

That's my disadvantage

Everyone's so fucked up

How did it get this way

I pretend to be someone else

Someone I think is okay

Almost carved of stone

My spirit encrusted in dirt

Wonder why I'm so dirty

Wonder why I am still alive

Cee Lo Green left some comment to a music critic along the lines of, "I bet you're gay," when she didn't like his concert in Minneapolis. He then said, that she "must be jealous of my masculinity." He proceeded to say it was in good fun and part of his music character.

The gay community then started to be outraged and called him a bigot despite him having outspoken gay contestants on his team for NBC's the Voice.

... A bigot really?

[Insert definition of bigot here]

a person who is intolerant of any ideas other than his or her own, esp on religion, politics, or race.

While I think his comment is out of line, I am sure that this the the first time that he has said anything remotely stupid. If you want to call anyone a bigot, please go find Hucklebee or Rush Limbaugh.

What I find really annoying about this whole situation is that you can like gay people, hang out with them, but yet if you don't support every part of the gay agenda you are labled a bigot. When the cards are on the other side however... Such as gays being against the "typical American family" and against those Christians who oppose them and the whole "gay marriage" propoganda, they don't get called bigots... It's just the people who don't agree with them.

Why so?

Are people really that terrified of the gay community?

... Stupid double standards.

I wrote this for my first art piece in Honor's Art... It's on my self portrait.

*****

Lousy

Just for one lousy minute

Just for one instant

I thought I loved you

I thought you loved me

Stumbling fighting constantly

Why do you hate me?

Why do I hate you?

Take me in your arms

For all my agony disbelief

I deserve my blood to run

I am allowed to be myself

I hate you and I always will

Push me away

And close me out

For one depressed thought

Throw me away

For one damn minute

Just listen to what I say

Forget who I really am

Just know I love you